“Exact” isn’t something we are able to determine, however, an effort can be made to help you to understand and be aware of this manipulative, hurtful characteristic.
Just as your vehicle needs fuel to run, so does a Narcissist (N). It’s a form of food for their Personality Disorder to thrive. And just as your fuel has a source (your local gas station, or another one while you are on the road), so does a Narcissist have a source for their power. Most typically their is one person who they drain off of. This serves several functions, but the main one is that it allows the N to be very high functioning, appearing very charming and capable; well, they appear what we call “normal”.
However, here are a few of the ways an N demeans their person-source;
“How was you little luncheon with your girlie friends today?” … instead of “How was your luncheon with the ladies today?”
“What makes you think you can do that?!” …. instead of “I hope you can figure that out. If you need help let me know”.
“You’ve never been a good friend to me” …. instead of “I am upset at you for something and would like to talk about it.”
The examples could go on for a million pages; there are many books, pamphlets, blogs and more in which people who have experiences with a Narcissist write their personal tales. The style of treating a person is unique to each N. The bottom line, however, is that the Narcissist implies cruelty and the Victim “BITES”! What that is, is they get defensive. Or try to explain how what the N said was hurtful and suggest other ways that they might speak. Then the fight begins. Everything the Victim says is another barb the Narcissist uses to fuel the argument. And Narcissists NEVER lost an argument. Unless a person is trained or has learned how to handle this unhealthy behavior, they fuel.
Keep in mind that nor everyone falls pray to the Narcissist. When an N has a good supply of their fuel they don’t need others to sap off of. So they can be [very] charming, flirtatious, social, high functioning at work and home and even fairly OK as a parent.
Also, if an individual has a strong personality, he or she will not be a good supplier. It takes a person with a relatively low self esteem to engage in this verbal duel.
If you are the supplier to a Narcissist, know that it is, indeed, a very challenging relationship to exit. You will feel ‘crazy’ and know that something is WRONG with ‘this’ relationship, but the N will NEVER admit they are wrong or doing wrong. So it is up to you to get help for yourself and develop you Ego again.
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